In the hierarchy of phrases that have the ability to strike the fear of God into all right minded people then ‘nu-jazz electronica’ must rate pretty highly. First of all there has never been a musical movement of any worth that uses the term ‘nu’. I give you nu-metal and rest my case as I fear it is heavy. Jazz, as we all know, is the last refuge of the self-indulgent and should be banned under the Geneva Convention. Electronica, I’ll let ride for now but it’s card is marked.
Then look at that title ‘Condo Life’. According to the blurb ‘Condo Life is the new young urban Canadian lifestyle’. Now there’s something to aspire to, creating images of young upwardly mobile types, gleaming BMW’s, Armani suits and shite dinner parties in overpriced flats, this is what Fidgital are all about. If Fidgital have an ideal listener then that person would work in advertising, live in Islington, drink in poncey overpriced bars and be a wanker. On the title track we have tinkly jazz piano, drums played with brushes and generic soul vocals. I wept.
‘You Know Me Better Than You Do’, apart from having a title that makes no sense, strays into George Michael territory and has the rare honour of making George sound cutting edge. ‘This Situation’ contains comedy rapping (I can only assume it’s comedy rapping as surely nobody would present this as serious?). ‘Fashionable’ was probably last fashionable in 1986.
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It’s not all bad news though. ‘The Lobby’ has a frantic James Bond vibe that makes for a welcome break. Even in this rare moment of good taste Fidgital still can’t resist the self indulgent jazz solos and ends up with a camp vocal refrain shouting ’location, location, location’ before merging into ’29 Stories’ and welcoming back Mr Comedy Rapper for more. A good idea ruined.
Closer, ‘How Can I go Wrong’ returns to George Michael land before morphing into more jazz electronica self indulgence and finishing up with a trance lite version of Leftfield. It is probably the longest 9 minutes and 22 seconds of my life.
So, 2 stars then. 1 star for supplying music to be played in certain bars so that will know immediately that a pint of lager is going to cost £4. The second star is that should any of your friends play this to you with any degree of enthusiasm you can make your excuses and leave before they start a conversation regarding their share portfolio. See, all things have their uses.
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